Little bird, let me love and protect you.
Let me nurse you to spread your wings and fly.
So yesterday I had a major meltdown. Major.
It’s to be expected but none the less I scared even myself.
The rollercoaster of emotions that come and go during this time is something I know many of us can’t control and what do we do?
Well my honest answer is, why hide how you are feeling. Yesterday my whole work team got to experience how I was feeling.
Usually I’m chatty and laughing but something snapped and I let them all know that hey guys I’m not ok, I had questions to ask. I was told that the meeting was not the forum to ask those questions.
I felt bad about it, burst out crying and ended my side of a video conference call.
I cried all day and all evening. Cried my heart out. Missing my children and also upset with myself for my human outburst which may have upset my colleagues.
BUT I woke up today and thought, hang on a minute!!! Why ask me if I’m ok but then shut me down when I answer.
Isn’t the point of that question is to get my honest answer? Isn’t it? Aren’t meetings about the well being of staff supposed to also address that there are people not coping ok?
So today I wake up and I feel much better about it because I realise that I allowed them to see I’m not. But when it was seen I’m not ok, it suddenly is not “appropriate” to not be ok as people can’t face the reality of what that question actually means.
I think a lot of you know what I mean. It’s the seen to be doing something but not actually doing it.
I don’t blame my colleagues or my manager at all. They’re human beings too and are also struggling with their own inner conflicts.
But will I participate in these meetings in the future? No. Because, if I am asked am I ok, I don’t feel I should pretend I am, when I am not. That is a waste of time for me and my logical mind says that I’d rather work than do that dance because it ticks a box.
I’d rather get on a telephone and talk to a good friend who understands and isn’t scared to listen or answer.
The worst part of yesterday. It was a video conference. So not only did my colleagues hear my upset, but they got to see it. That isn’t fair to me or them.
One thing I am learning in this whole experience that we deal with things in very different ways.
That we mustn’t keep inside how we are feeling because by doing that we make it worse.
Talking about your feelings is important and even if they’re irrational, airing them helps you to move forward.
I truly advocate open discussions and checking in on people. Letting people know you may need help or that you just need a hug.
As human beings we are quite social beings on the whole. Although some of us like solitude, we also need to express emotion, talk, feel, hug, love and be ultimately human.
It’s totally ok to melt down. It’s totally ok to cry. Shout and be irrational.
Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for those feelings. COVID19 is affecting everyone in many ways.
Be there to listen. Be there to show you do care.
Alyxx utility jumpsuit from Vinyl at the EQUAL10 Event
Reflectice eyes from Amara Beauty
Gloss Lipstick from A R T E
Glam on eyeshadow from A R T E
Catya bento head from CATWA
Angel shape for the Catya head LizBitz
Lara mesh body Maitreya
Shot on location at Dya’s scent of carribean