I’m in bed after a glass of gin, the coffee cup is a rouse.
I actually don’t drink much to be honest but had a sudden panic attack and didn’t know another way to calm down.
The past two days I’ve felt like I was on my way to being the old me again. Today I woke up and felt incredibly out of sorts.
Don’t know why but the sense of panic that came over me was horrible. It’s like two steps forward and one step back dance of emotions.
I really don’t like feeling this way and I’m at odds with myself constantly. I feel after being away from work nearly 4 weeks I should be feeling by now more in touch. More normal. Truth is I’m not.
The meds are kicking in, but the sudden loss of my cat really dented me. It’s not so simple to crack on and be normal.
I also found out that I have further health issues that truly suck and at the moment at a great risk of stroke. I can’t seem to get a break, it’s like that god person seriously is having a laugh at my expense.
I’m now waiting for a referral to a lipid clinic and I have an appointment for the 29th for a diabetic consultant. They want to discuss injecting. But the lipid clinic is the scary one for me as it all feels so much more serious than my brain can take in right now. Apparently this is familial and hence they may need to really look at me and my genetics.
I look in the mirror and I don’t see this person who is unwell. I look like me. Though admittedly I have lost a stone recently in weight which for you Americans is 14lb. I wasn’t trying. I’ve not been dieting and it seems it just came off on it’s own. I did joke that my fat hides in my shoes and reattaches when I pop them on again.
Anyhow that’s my update and again I guess I apologise for realistic blog posts, but then I have always kept my blog as an expression of me, akin to a expensive way to write a journal.
Oh I made a dance video. It’s reflective of the chaos in my head. Don’t watch if you hate flickering etc as it’s very seizure unfriendly.
Otome hair from Stealthic
Trending lipstick from Cazimi
Eighteen plus eyeshadow from IDTTY
HDPRO Majer soft head from CATWA
Eline skin in beige AMARA
Classic mesh body from Legacy
Image courtesy using Flickr