I went back to work today and realised I’m just a number. Hence my avatars face.
I had my stitches out yesterday and I have not fully healed. So I have to keep dressing it and keep clean. Also no wild walking etc for weeks to come. Not an issue, me walking distances? Nah.
After two weeks off recovering from my melanoma WLE surgery, I went back to work, aching, and telling myself I was ready. Spoiler, I wasn’t, not really.
You see this time around my body went into meltdown post surgery. My Fibromyalgia flared badly, I had headaches for days and my mouth started bleeding. I still hurt and I feel like I’m 80 in body.
I sat there in a bit of pain, doing my best as normal, typing away like everything was fine. But somewhere between the dull ache in my body and the endless pings of incoming emails, it hit me… I’m just a number. We all are.
It didn’t matter that I’d had surgery. That this surgery was as important as it was. It didn’t matter that I am still exhausted or still healing. What mattered was that my computer was on, my name was showing as “active,” and the work was getting done.
No one said, “Hey, how are you holding up?” or “Don’t overdo it.” Nope, just business as usual. And I realised how easy it is to disappear into the background of your own job, as long as you’re logged in and replying on time.
So yes, I went back to work. But if I’m honest, my body’s still catching up… and my mind’s quietly wondering why we treat being present like it’s proof of being okay.
I had to complete my return from sick online form, nothing fit with my situation other than that word cancer, so I ticked that box.
That’s the closest I have come to rationalising the past 4 months. Melanoma is cancer. But, with the WLE I should be all clear. I truly hope so. I’m not in the mindset for any further parts of me being chopped at again like a slab of meat.
I find out in another 4 ish weeks anyhow.
CREDITS
Kiera outfit from KiB Designs at the Designer Showcase
Dark botanical nails from Cazimi at the Designer Showcase
Reema EVOX head from CATWA
Faith hair from Stealthic
Kiara Necklace from Naa Naa store
Kait skin from the Skinnery in Sorbet
Luna body skin from the Skinnery
Classic mesh body from Legacy
Sand Backdrop from Minimal
Isabelle Cheren 