Today, I found myself in a situation I never expected to face. There was chocolate. Not just any chocolate, but a proper bar of chocolate, sitting there looking at me. Now, I want to make it absolutely clear that I did not choose to eat it. I was forced.
There are moments in life when circumstances simply take over. Natural disasters. Power cuts. Your Wi-Fi going down when you’re halfway through a TikTok. And apparently… chocolate.
I tried to resist. I really did. I looked at the bar and thought, “No. Be strong. You are an adult woman. You have responsibilities to your body.” Then I noticed it had fruit n nut, and frankly, that changed the situation completely.
I told myself I would have one square. Just one. A perfectly reasonable amount. Then somehow, the first square disappeared. I’m not entirely sure how. I suspect chocolate-related foul play.
I looked down and there were fewer squares than before. At this point, I realised I had no choice but to continue eating it because, frankly, leaving an open bar of chocolate lying around would have been irresponsible. What if someone else found it? What if they ate it? I couldn’t live with that. So I bravely sacrificed myself for the greater good.
Square after square disappeared until I reached the final piece. I was exhausted. Emotionally drained. Yet somehow still strangely happy. I held that last square in my hand and whispered, “This is where it ends.”
It did not end.
Obviously, the final piece was eaten. The wrapper was folded up and placed in the bin, thereby destroying the evidence. I sat there afterwards contemplating my choices and wondering how I’d managed to get myself into such a serious situation.
Did I regret it? Absolutely not. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.
In fact, if anyone needs me, I’ll be available for further chocolate-related emergencies. I’m nothing if not committed to public service.
And if you’re wondering whether there is any chocolate left… no.
Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
