There’s something about Halloween that reminds me an awful lot of work. And no, I’m not talking about the dodgy decorations, the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling, or the colleague who looks like they’ve been dead inside since the last team meeting. I’m talking about the atmosphere.
The strange noises coming from nowhere, the feeling that something sinister is lurking around the corner, and the sudden appearance of people who smile sweetly to your face while quietly sharpening their knives behind your back. Honestly, who needs a haunted house when you’ve got an office?
Every workplace has its monsters. There’s the Energy Vampire, who can suck the life out of an entire team before 9:30 am. They don’t need fangs; they have Teams meetings. Then there’s the Shape-Shifter, lovely as pie when the manager is watching but a completely different creature when they’re not. You never quite know which version you’re going to get, so you spend half your working day wondering whether you’re dealing with Dr Jekyll or Mr Hyde.
And let’s not forget the Invisible Employee, who somehow manages to avoid every difficult task, every awkward conversation and every bit of responsibility, yet mysteriously appears whenever there’s credit to be claimed. A true Halloween miracle.
Of course, every workplace has its own resident Wicked Witch of Management. They can turn a perfectly ordinary conversation and make a simple request feel like a personal attack, and somehow leave you questioning your own sanity by lunchtime. Their special power? Turning absolutely nothing into an organisational crisis. Forget broomsticks and bubbling cauldrons; all they need is a calendar invite and an agenda titled “Quick Catch-Up.”
You know those horror films where the characters keep walking into dark rooms despite knowing perfectly well there’s something nasty waiting inside? That’s a team meeting. You walk in with a perfectly reasonable question, a few sensible suggestions and perhaps a tiny shred of optimism. You leave wondering what just happened, whether you accidentally offended someone by breathing, and why the original problem has somehow become your problem. There are mysterious rules that change depending on who’s asking, decisions that nobody remembers making, and policies that appear to be carved in stone for some people but written in disappearing ink for others. And accountability? That’s usually the ghost everyone talks about but nobody has actually seen.
Meanwhile, the office grapevine is working harder than the entire IT department. Information travels at lightning speed, although somehow the important things never reach the people who actually need to know them. A casual conversation becomes breaking news, a misunderstood email develops a life of its own, and before you know it, something completely insignificant has become the office equivalent of a supernatural incident. If gossip were a renewable energy source, some workplaces could power the entire country.
But nothing says workplace horror quite like favouritism. Watching one person get away with everything while another is scrutinised over the smallest thing is enough to make you wonder whether you’ve accidentally wandered into a psychological thriller. One person can bend the rules, miss deadlines and disappear whenever the going gets tough, while another can do their job, raise a legitimate concern and suddenly find themselves under a microscope. You start second guessing yourself. You think carefully before sending an email, reread messages three times, and become an expert in neutral wording, careful phrasing and the art of saying absolutely nothing while somehow saying everything. And all the while, you’re just trying to do your job. Imagine that. Not me of course. I recently lost my giving a fuck.
Perhaps that’s the thing about Halloween and work. Halloween is the one time of year when everyone openly admits to wearing a mask. At work, some people wear theirs all year round. Professionalism is important, of course. We all have to be civil, manage our emotions and get along with people we wouldn’t necessarily choose to spend our weekends with. But there’s a difference between being professional and pretending everything is fine when it clearly isn’t. There’s a difference between being a team player and constantly picking up the pieces for people who refuse to pull their weight. And there’s a difference between accepting constructive feedback and being made to feel that speaking up is somehow a passive aggressive mindset.
Sometimes the scariest thing about work isn’t the workload. It’s the culture, the politics, the walking on eggshells, and the feeling that being honest is somehow more dangerous than being unhelpful. You can cope with a busy day. You can cope with difficult customers. You can even cope with the laptop deciding to have a nervous breakdown five minutes before your meeting.
What wears you down is the unnecessary nonsense. The stuff that could be avoided if people simply communicated honestly, treated each other fairly and remembered that colleagues are human beings, and honesty is flipping amazing.
This year, I’ve been taking a few essentials into my virtual work for survival: a protective amulet against pointless meetings, a garlic necklace for the Energy Vampires, a crystal ball to predict which version of management will turn up today, and a broomstick for a swift exit when the nonsense begins. Most importantly, I need a very large bottle of patience, although I suspect even that doesn’t work.
Perhaps I should just log on dressed as a skeleton. That way, nobody can accuse me of having no backbone. Too much? Possibly. Accurate? You tell me.
Here’s the thing: most people go to work to earn a living, do a decent job and get through the week without needing an exorcism. They want to feel respected. They want consistency.
They want to be treated fairly, regardless of whether they’re the favourite or the person who dares to ask an awkward question. That really shouldn’t be too much to ask.
If your workplace feels more like a haunted house than a place where people can thrive, perhaps it’s worth asking why. You shouldn’t have to spend your working day managing other people’s egos, decoding hidden meanings or preparing for the next unexpected jump scare.
Life is complicated enough without turning your payslip into compensation for emotional damage.
So, this Halloween, I’ll be celebrating the usual way: with a laugh, a healthy dose of sarcasm and the comforting knowledge that at least the ghosts and ghouls have the decency to look frightening. Some people don’t need costumes. They just need an Outlook calendar and a management title.
Happy Halloween, everyone. May your witches be fictional, your vampires stay in the cinema, and your workplace drama be confined to the television. And if you recognise anyone in this blog? Don’t worry. It’s probably just a coincidence.
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CREDITS
Lune by Cica Ghost can be found here
