Weddings

Last night I went to the renewal of vows for Cassie and Dire Vulf.

What touched me most about this special occasion is that they were able to find each other in this crazy world we live in and fall in love. Still going strong and getting even stronger.

Those encounters are rare, the real love ones.

We walk through life having many encounters which time tests and often they fade away for one reason or another. However when you do meet that special person,it’s one of the most beautiful experiences life can throw you.

I’ve watched these two and how solid they are and can only wish to myself find this for myself one day, in both worlds.

I may be old and grey by the time that happens,but hey I’m willing to wait for my soul mate. In the meantime life is full of moments to cherish.

I do love a good romance. http://youtu.be/97atqPHTi0M

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Doctors and Nurses

This has been a really strange weekend for me in the real world.

Nothing I planned on Friday morning has gone quite to plan.

It started with Friday night having a major calf cramp that strangely went on for approximately 40 minutes of gripping pain.  Then admission to the hospital to make sure I wasn’t suffering a DVT.

Well I can assure you if that was the case, I would not be sat here right now writing this.

It was a  bitter sweet experience to say the least. One minute I was sitting on my sofa in a Skype call with “him” across the world and the next saw me throwing my iPhone 6 across the sofa and screaming in pain. The kinda of pain that actually I can honestly say surpassed the birth of my two children.

Now that’s pain!

Scream I did. My son who is totally a chilled kind of dude even panicked and rang the emergency services

This culminated in discussions with the operator then discussions with a paramedic, then discussion with an on call doctor and a trip- to hospital.

I have to say however I was seen pretty instantly and clearly I need to be thankful for that as often I have visited accident and emergency to face hours of waiting.

I was whisked into the examination room and all sorts of tests were performed and of course a lot of feeling of my leg and the usual blood pressure  tests.

What actually really made my night was when the doctor, a male I might add, said he was going to give me a little prick. Of course with my mind in the early hours of the morning anything can happen.  “oh shall I get my friend to leave the room as after all she shouldn’t see me being given a prick”

The doctor did not look amused and so I returned to my sorry looking self and behaved.

After taking some blood from my finger he placed it on this contraption . After approximately 5 minutes he announced “Congratulations you are not pregnant!”

It seems even at 1 am in the morning in accident and emergency, a sense of humour can be found.

Anyhow today I decided to find my own Edward and be his Bella…

Courtesy of Redgrave skins  I transformed my male bot into the perfect partner for my avatar.

I became his living Bella.

Snapshot_138

A Quandary

img_2526The past week I’ve been in a bit of a quandary.

Not sure, but that feeling of being out of sorts.

I’ve been asked to go live in Darwin by “him”. At first when the suggestions were made, I didn’t take them seriously. That would be because it’s so easy to fantasise etc I’ve learnt to be a little cautious with going with any flow till I’m 100% certain something what is said is meant.

But he has continued to suggest a future that does sound great.

But. We haven’t met!

How can I make decisions so huge based on Skype conversations ?

I’ve only seen him again once for a few moments and admit that I was like “wow” when I did see him.

He has seen me the once and of course my real life is not hidden and so has seen my photos on the Internet as I am now.

But, it’s not the same is it, unless your standing in front of someone.

How far can I let myself go on this before I have to face reality?

This is the part of long distance Internet I struggle with as its so easy to allow yourself to open up, but what do you do after that?

My feelings are pretty real and yet I still am unsure what his are. Because he has never said. So I have never said.

So what do I do? SHOP!!!!

Weekend

On the bus on my way to work and despite my extreme tiredness, excited. It’s Friday and I’m out of that place in 8 hours to do as I please for a few days.

“He” commented last night in one of our many skype conversations how he couldn’t understand going to something each day that didn’t bring me happiness and joy. Well yes I agree in that.

But in real life often we don’t have the choices we would dream to have unfortunately.

So yes each day I go to work for an employer I have lost trust and faith in but do so because who else will pay my bills. I’m a single fourty something woman after all. 

 How many of you also do that?

I’m guessing quite a lot of my friends also  don’t hold down their dream careers because life got in the way.

So what stops us from just going ahead and taking those chances? What stops us from being who we want to be?

I’m not quite sure. What I do know is that often we rely too much on the opinions of others when we make decisions. Well I have done anyhow.

I have in the past sought affirmation from other people. Be it my parents, partners, friends before making some of the decisions I have made.

Yet actually I’m now learning my gut instinct is trustworthy and if I’m going to place that unequivocal trust in anything, why not simply trust myself . Reach for that dream and who cares if I keep falling backward. Simply stand up again and keep trying. Because eventually if we try hard enough, we do get what we want. 

Floating in space

Did you ever have that feeling you were just floating?

You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going. In fact, you aren’t even sure where you came from in the first place.

That is  how my current day feels to me at this moment in time.

I’m sure I will revisit these thoughts in another 24 hours and wonder where they came from. But for now, right here, right in this moment, I am floating.

For a number of weeks I was spending time in the virtual planet with someone, talking incessantly and enjoying that getting to know a person experience. Suddenly those heady weeks have disappeared and suddenly, I feel like I must have imagined the experience.

We no longer spend hours talking. But if I’m reasonable about that, its because time zones don’t match and one of us would have to live on no sleep  for the other to be happy. That’s not doable with a real life to consider.

Then of course there is that thing called feelings that creep in and suddenly like a rug, knock you for six and you ask yourself where did that come from.

I’m asking myself it and wondering exactly what I do with it .

Those feelings that sit on the tip of my tongue, but I never speak about because we are just mates, people that knock about together and love to talk.

Seriously what do you do with feelings that you probably cannot express because you know the other person doesn’t appear to feel them in return?

I cant say anything for fear of ruining a great friendship, but at the same time, things get said that lead me to think maybe there is something reciprocated. Seriously what do you do?

Well SIMPLE, I shop!!!

By god have I been shopping lately. In fact its been non stop this past week and I’m sure SL creators must be loving my enthusiasm for a great outfit.

I’m seriously loving going absolutely sparky at the moment and changing my outfit as many times as I change my knickers in real life. At the very least twice a day! The very least.

That is simply how I roll.

As for the man…..

I’ll continue to contemplate.Snapshot_078

Crazy cat lady

I’ve decided that quite possibly I’m on the road to becoming THAT crazy cat lady.

There are days I would be happy to see absolutely nobody but my two real life cats.

I think that’s because at times I just feel uncomfortable with people when I’m not feeling comfortable with myself. Somehow those four legged furry critters don’t give any damn whatsoever and love me as long as I keep feeding them.

Not the same can be said of human beings as its primary nature there has to be reasons for everything.

I turned 50 a few days ago and for a week before that, slipped into a total meltdown of emotions which I couldn’t seem to step out of despite the inner me saying don’t be silly.

When you reach that point in your life that you havent given thought before,  and you realise that you had no great plan. Well that’s pretty unsettling. When you suddenly realise your true mortality.

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I always wanted to act but when I was younger, was shy. So how could I. Now as I’m older, I still want to, but I haven’t the time to suddenly start. I love making music and just being creative. 

I wanted to travel America, visit Vietnam, Thailand and Japan. I still haven’t.

I wanted to sit at a cafe in New York City alone and pretend I was a grown up.

I wanted to visit Paris and fall in love. 

So many things that I wanted to do, I realise now that I never will. Well maybe one?

I guess in some ways that’s what SL is about, the fantasy and taking you into adventures you dream about.

But I want them to come alive. 

  Otherwise, in the not too distant future, I will be THAT crazy cat lady.

Let me introduce….

My Mirror image!

Well ok, maybe not really but inside the real person is the real avatar and vice versa.

I am the same person in both worlds, the only real distinction is the avatar physically has maintained gravity and will forever look 25.

The real person continues to age and experience the limitations that aging imposes on all human beings ultimately.

There was a time I considered aging my avatar and inflicting gravitational pull on her boobicles and skin that doesn’t spring back when pulled. But, I decided if only in my virtual reality why not dream a little longer.

She shops and can wear simply anything and look a million dollars. Her hair never requires root touch ups, she can eat whatever she fancies and she NEVER has to go to the gym!

The real me however, has regular root touch ups, it would take a million dollars to dress me, I can only eat a lettuce leaf if I want that body and the gym? I should go, but …… 

 Dream I shall.