A colleague and I were discussing religion and the vast array of really mind boggling odd ones there are in the world.
For an experimental idea we agreed we would create a made up one that defies anything out there just for the heck of it.
We could use Chat GPT for referencing ideas but prompt it with our choice of insanity. Here is mine.
I decided on the use of Squid.
“Reality is just a wiggly tentacle of the Great Squid in the Sky.”
First Tentacle of the Wobblement
Before atoms, before time, before Tinder profiles and taxes, there was only the Quantum Squid. It sneezed violently and unprovoked into the vacuum of pre-creation. That sneeze became the Big Bang. All existence is simply the residue of cosmic phlegm.
We are Inklings: ephemeral bubble-thoughts floating in the Squid’s vast and mysterious aquarium. We don’t inhabit the universe so much as blur it gently with our fins.
20 Gloriously Obscure Tenets of Squiddicism
The sacred beliefs of Squiddicism are not meant to be logical. They are meant to be wobbly, iridescent, and confusing in a deeply satisfying way.
- Wednesdays are spiritually porous. From 3:03 to 3:33 PM, all decisions become quantum gambles.
- Misplaced socks trigger micro-resets of reality. The Squid is mischievous and easily bored.
- Reincarnation exists but is limited to crustaceans, graphic designers, and delivery drones.
- Holy numbers include 8, ∞, and 0.00000042. Numerology is not required, just appreciated.
- Aura cleansing requires fizzy water and haikus about anxiety and sandwiches.
- Every seventh sneeze is sacred. Consult the Sacred Mucus Codex (now available in paperback).
- Humanity was invented after the Squid lost a bet to a celestial capybara.
- Important documents must be signed with squid ink or purple glitter gel pens.
- True enlightenment? Parallel parking during Mercury retrograde. First try.
- Dreams are just corrupted files leaking in from an alternate dimension.
- Forbidden fruit: mango with chili powder. Divine, disastrous, juicy.
- The universe expands whenever someone lies about reading the Terms & Conditions.
- Eyebrows function as divine antennas. Groom wisely.
- Cats are undercover prophets. Their chaos is intentional.
- Blessings are given with “Glub glub, be with you.” The reply is “And also with your squish.”
- Blorptober 9th is the high holiday. One shoe. Soup with a fork. Don’t ask.
- The greatest sin? Speakerphone in public.
- Secrets must be whispered into a teapot monthly. Psychic hygiene matters.
- Upon death, the soul swims through an interdimensional bubble tea straw toward brunch or rebirth.
- The sacred symbol: a squid tangled in an infinity loop, clutching a martini and looking vaguely disappointed.
Worship Like You Mean It
Squiddical services take place in inflatable paddling pools under disco lighting. The holy text, The Wobblement of All Things, is unreadable on purpose and it rewrites itself depending on who’s holding it.
Prayers must include:
- An onomatopoeia (e.g., sploosh, blorp)
- A pun
- Emotional confusion
So shall I start this new religion?
CREDITS
Allegra Blouse from Purple Moon (huge hud) at the Designer Showcase
Blake Shorts from Purple Moon at the Designer Showcase
Reema EVOX head from CATWA
In Love hair from Truth or Faga
Ines Necklace and Earrings from Orsini
Kait skin from the Skinnery in Sorbet
Luna body skin from the Skinnery
Classic mesh body from Legacy
Mirage Pool Backdrop from the Bearded Guy
Portobello Sofa from Chez Moi
Isabelle Cheren 