The heat is on

The heat is on

My cat is driving me batshit. Literally I’m positive she can kill me at this rate. Every night at 11 p.m., Jazz my one cat transforms from cuddly roommate to hormonal bitch. She howls. She paces. She throws herself dramatically onto the floor like she’s auditioning for some dramatic performance, Feline Edition. I’ve tried calming [...]

Don’t wake me

Don’t wake me

I’m so tired that I need a week of sleep. The kind of deep, restorative, luxurious sleep that resets your soul and possibly your entire personality. I don’t want a nap. I want a medically supervised coma with breakfast in bed when I wake up. Somewhere along the line, “rest” became a myth. My brain [...]

It arrives soon

It arrives soon

Halloween arrives soon Like that cousin you didn’t invite to the family party. Pumpkins are grinning, candles are lit, And my costume still looks like utter sh— nonsense (I don’t wear one I’m scary as it is) The shops sell cobwebs for £5 a strand, I can just leave my house unplanned! Kids want sweets, [...]

Dislocate

Dislocate

 I’m seeing a doctor today about my shoulder issues, which have quietly (and not so quietly) become worse over time. My shoulder has dislocated twice recently during a flare , just for a few seconds each time, but that’s enough to leave a deep ache and a quiet fear in the back of my mind. [...]

No night out

No night out

It was meant to be one of those calm, ordinary Saturdays. The kind where you potter about the house, do a bit of cleaning, and feel vaguely accomplished for it. I decided to tidy the living room and give the TV stand a proper clean. Nothing major, just one of those satisfying little jobs that [...]

The wall unit

The wall unit

Home is where the heart rests, not where the charger hides. Not where blue lights flicker or endless scroll collides. A wall unit waits instead solid, steady, kind. It holds the books, the frames, the little treasures you find. No pings, no beeps, no endless chase, just shelves with room for time and grace. More [...]

OnlyFans: The Gym Membership for Your Right Hand

OnlyFans: The Gym Membership for Your Right Hand

Subscribing to OnlyFans doesn’t make you a bad person. It just makes you a very specific kind of person. A financial wanker. A romantic wanker. A digital-age, algorithmically ignored wanker. But hey someone’s making money. And it’s not you. It’s Becky. In a Pikachu onesie. Eating a banana. For £9.99. Happiness one hand at a [...]

Can’t Hoover

Can’t Hoover

I can’t Hoover. But, I can move my arm to around waist level now. My shoulder did its thing again last week for the millionth time. However hoping to see the doctor because after 11 years of shoulder issues on and off this was the worst. Why? Because twice when I attempted to do something. [...]