The first thing nobody tells you about Facebook Dating is that you’re going to scroll. A lot. It’s like online shopping for humans, except everything is out of stock or broken. Very broken!!
You’re not just swiping, you’re driving yourself crazy. Your thumb goes numb before your standards do. You start out thinking, “He must be tall, funny, kind, and emotionally intelligent,” and after 45 minutes of scrolling, you’re like, “You know what? He has teeth. Good enough.”
Except… he doesn’t. Why are men not brushing their teeth? Explain this to me.
Every man who likes me is proudly posing with a largemouth fish like he’s auditioning for some flipping fish contest. I get the swamp ick!
And I don’t know if there’s a hidden message I’m missing, like, “Hey girl, I can provide food?” or “This fish is the last thing I successfully committed to.” Either way, it’s a no from me.
And the rest?
One guy had no teeth and still had the audacity to list “kissing” as one of his hobbies. HOW?
Another looked like he’s been living in his parents basement so long, he may be paying rent in Second life lindens.
One messaged me just the word “Hi” 10 times in a row, like some kind of needy kid would. It’s giving hostage situation energy, not romance
I’ve officially hit the stage where I’d rather eat an entire Toblerone bar alone in bed watching Kung Fu Panda and scream at the TV.
I may just Google “how to marry myself” and seriously consider it.
Do I believe love is out there? Sure if I’m still alive by then.
Am I going to find it sandwiched between “TruckGuy82” and “LonelyButLoaded47” while I scroll endlessly at 1 in the morning covered in melted chocolate.
Absolutely not.
Until further notice, I’m dating my sofa, cats, my snacks, and my peace of mind.
I’d rather walk on a beach on a stormy day.
(P.S. If you see me on Facebook Dating, no you don’t.)
CREDITS
Alahia top from KiB Designs
Oliana shorts from KiB Designs
Reema EVOX head from CATWA
Aero hair from Stealthic
Kait skin from the Skinnery in Sorbet
Luna body skin from the Skinnery
Classic mesh body from Legacy
Shot on location at Luanes World
Isabelle Cheren 