Fly be free and all that

I’m in a bit of a quandary today. I don’t often talk about the lack of confidence I feel but let me today.

People often assume I’m quite confident bolshy Aussie who knows what she wants etc etc. Yet truth be told I’m actually a pretty good actress at times and can be around people or even doing my YouTube videos. I’m always feeling like it isn’t good enough or I’m just boring.

Despite all the assumptions, I often feel not good enough and lacking in the right personality that people want to be around, read or watch.

I’m guessing that’s part of my reality in that I haven’t had a date for 7 years now. I kid you not!! 7 god damn years it has been.

It was a few nights ago I was pulling down my duvet getting ready for bed. I popped the pillows to the side and put the cats blanket where it goes each night, at the foot of my bed. It dawned on me at that moment, the last time I had turned down the bed for two.

Let me just add it was a sleepover, not a do over!!

My son was living with me at the time and I’m one of those mums who preferred my son never had to experience his mum “doing it” with a dude. As an adult I don’t think any of us want to hear our parent in the throes.

Anyhow that was 7 years ago this autumn.

I don’t partner in SL as I require reality. It’s my thing that unless a person is truly available in all senses of the word it just won’t happen.

So contrary to maybe my past SL experiences I’m pretty much a nun these days. But interestingly this is also having quite an impact on my confidence as a person in various things or aspects of my life.

Yet the one thing, the only thing I feel total confidence in right this minute. Is my ability to fight hard for people I help in the workplace.

That has after 10 years only just hit me recently with a bang. No one in authority or on a higher pay grade makes me feel inadequate any more. So many years of feeling like a mouse, I became a lion.

No one at work knows apart from my manager just yet, but I’m now a branch secretary for my region where I live. That’s quite something and I’m still trying to get my head around it. it makes me basically the boss of the reps. The key organiser of how we run.

I’ll soon be undergoing intense training for the role and then it will be announced. Life will change I know and my responsibilities will increase. But you know what? Bring it on.

I just wish that this same confidence existed everywhere else. But it doesn’t

Do you have this kind of feelings?

Credits:-

Morgane outfit from zOOm at the Designer Showcase

Moonmagic earrings and necklace from Heartsdale Jewellery at the Designer Showcase

HDPRO Majer soft head from CATWA

Zoe from DOUX

Makeup from Velour

Eline skin from AMARA

Reflectice eyes from Amara

Sunset backdrop from Paleto

SLC Bento Pose from Body language

Classic mesh body from Legacy

Image courtesy using Flickr