Deep in thought

Today I’m pretty deep in thought. A number of significant reasons which I won’t bore you with.

Suffice to say I could have done with that person to listen to me .

Today is my mums birthday. She died in 2012 and it was a very difficult time because I was in the UK when I got the news and had to rush back to Sydney.

My family were involved in a coroners enquiry and long interviews with detectives because there were questions about my one brother and his withdrawing of monies from bank accounts and questions surrounding her death.

They could not find substantial evidence and so he was released. To this day I don’t know where he is or what he is doing.

I dont want to know.

What happened in 2012 and the subsequent issues surrounding my families estate tore us apart and my other brother and I can never forgive or have forgetten.

All we can do is hope my mum is in peace and that my brother sits and contemplates each day the path he chose in life.

In life there are so many different kinds of people. We never really know a person, even if we have known them all our lives.

Yet that pain is something I know others I’ve spoken to share and understand.

That pain of feeling loss and what ifs is something that never really goes.

It’s diminished in the last 18 months but at the anniversary of her death and today her birthday I can’t help but be absorbed into it all over again.

I guess from this what I take away is that life is precious and being kind  to the people you love and never taking them for granted is a lesson.

In June 2012 I produced the track Keys. It was done for my mum as June was when my dad had died in 2010. She loved this rather naff track of mine and frankly even when I play it now, I kinda still like it. It makes me smile. So today its played again but with a new video, basic but it doesn’t need to be a masterpiece. The following song, I sang at her funeral and haven’t listened to it since. Somehow today feels incredibly nostalgic and so I’m sharing. I cant sing, Ive never been able to sing, but it doesn’t matter.





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